8 years

It is hard to believe how much your life can change in just a few short moments.

 One minute you are getting off a plane after a week long cruise with your best friend and you find your brother at the airport waiting for you.  He lets you talk the entire ride home about your vacation.  He nods and smiles and never once did I know that some life-changing stuff was going to happen once we got home.

"Marie sit down.  I have some bad news." 

Words I'll never forget.

"No I won't sit down.  I'm just going to stand."

Is what I responded with.

"It's Dad.  He's in the hospital.  He came home.  He has cancer."

What???

When I left on my trip with my friend, my dad was working overseas in Hong Kong.  Little did I know that he was trying to gather the strength to get on a plane for that 16+ hour flight back to Michigan because he had been diagnosed with small cell lung cancer.  This same cancer would overtake his body and he was only with us for a few more weeks.  It went so fast.

Even now I look back at the last eight years and think how fast it has gone.  I try to picture what life would have been like if he was still with us.  It is too painful to wish that though.  He's home with his family and friends and looking down on us. 

Every so often I will have a dream that my dad is in.  Usually something silly that is forgettable after you wake up.  I always remember that he is in it though and he will give me a hug.  That is the most special part of the dream.  It lets me know that he is still with us in spirit and that comforts me so much.

I know I will forever cry at weddings during the Father/Daughter dance because I didn't get that dance with my dad.  I pray so much that Lila and Jason will be able to share that moment together.

I know I will never be able to get rid of the skiing reindeer pj pants because they were my dad's.  I just realized that I am wearing them right now. 

I know that I'll never be able to spend that $100 bill he gave me right before he died.  He felt bad he was so sick so he gave me spending money.  He loved to buy stuff. 

I know I'll cherish the letter he wrote me from Hong Kong.  I have it on my nightstand and read it every once in awhile.

I know that with each passing year my heart is full of love and peace that this day and tomorrow will always be hard.  No matter how many years have passed.

I know that the sorrows in life are there so you can also experience the joys. 

I love you dad and think of you always.

(sorry for making you cry mom...love you too)